Keyword alert: Words With Cat Friends. These spiderbots are killin' me. And we have to use the keyword in our first paragraph no less. Sheesh. Words with Friends, Words with Friends! Gorge yourself on my Words with Friends you crazy spiderbots.
Anywho, in my continuing attempt to understand humans, I make sure I learn new words and their meanings every week. Lo and behold, I find an online dictionary that is kind enough to even pronounce the words for me.
Uh huh. Thought nothin' about it until Dude comes into my life.
Well...Dude gives Ginger the video camera and she films us in the act.
Let me just say this was NOT my idea. The good news is it made the Kreatrix laugh. The bad news is she said we had to post a "pretty" video, too. BORING.
Here's Gingers:
And here's the "pretty" one. Kreatrix said everyone is getting stressed out this time of year so we all needed a short time out. SO WATCH THIS! There's a surprise photo at the very end. I was sure the Kreatrix would cut it but she said
"That's actually a very good photo."
We'd like to thank Bobby McFerrin for stopping by our pad to sing for this video. NOT! A cat can dream, though.
I’m flummoxed. Yes, stumped by you humans. Just when I think I’ve figured out how you get around, I learn something else. What’s next? You gonna fly? HAHAHA!
Here is what happened after we attempted using the Kreatrix’ car:
I’m told this is a bike.
I do like how shiny and new it looks.
The World Domination Squad gathered around it and waited for it to do something. We even threw a key at it.
Then the Kreatrix said:
“I got it for you to ride. You get on it and off you go! And the best part is, you don’t need a key to start it.”
Woah. Profound. Humans actually like something that doesn’t have a key?
I politely asked
“Where’s the gas tank?”
She pointed at my stomach.
SAY WHAT? I am NOT gonna guzzle gasoline!
“No. Eat a good meal so you can peddle hard with your legs.”
Seriously? That’s fun? She tried to convince me by helping me get on the thing.
Okay, so I look smokin’.
Ginger got all giggly and got on the thing with me and wrapped her paws around…um…me…and well…well…okay, fine, it makes me look cool.
I googled the hardware store and when I found just exactly where the closest one was located here is what I hollered down the hall to the Kreatrix.
“I am NOT peddling that thing 10 miles round trip! NOT, I tell you! I’m just a little guy with big dreams and a lot of courage in locating my true destiny that is basked in the glow of universal approval and frankly, the universe needs to cut me some slack!”
Ya wanna know what she said after she stopped laughing?
“You’ll figure it out. I have confidence in you.”
I was so mad, I suddenly became brilliant.
I called a neighbor and asked to borrow their screwdriver tool making sure that it’s not the screwdriver drink.
The D Squad gave me a good send off as I peddled UP HILL!
And then I arrived!!!!
Not only did he give me a screwdriver tool but he gave me a helmet and said to wear it while on the bike.
He was so nice I couldn’t tell him I looked like a dork. Whatever.
Ten minutes later, my Peeps were still waiting for me and cheered when they saw the screwdriver.
YOWZA! Not 10 miles! 10 minutes!!! And I got the screwdriver.
You all are in trouble now, I tell you!!! Mwahahahaha!!!!
I’m calling the orange one Ginger. I may or may not have a little crush on her. She’s very silly and, well, pretty.
The Chairman and Ginger
So far, I’m calling the other one Dude. Mainly because I kept screaming “DUDE, you scared the kitty poo outta me!”
Dude and Ginger got the full tour. It was Ginger’s idea to place the fake poinsettia plants (real ones are poisonous!) on the RLC’s while they slept and then take pictures of ourselves with them. HAHA.
Oh dear, I Am So Afraid…NOT! Look at Rudy’s face. He woke up and was all like “what the hiss is that?”
We had to move fast to get our picture taken.
I let Ginger and Dude in on my World Domination plan and how I need a screwdriver thingy to hack into the cool vintage iMac. However, I need to borrow the car machine and order it to take me to the hardware store.
I went out front and had a few words with the car.
"Hey, machine thingy, how's about you takin' me to the store."
Nothin'. So I decided to look it right in an eyeball and speak firmly.
"Pop open those doors, big fella, and let me hop in!"
Still nothin’. Dumber than a dog, those machines are. Just sat and stared at me.
Then I discover what stands between me and the hardware store.
KEYS.
A word about keys. They, also, hold great power and importance for humans. Apparently a key will MAKE a machine take you to the store.
Small problemo…why do you humans have sooooo many keys?
I recruited the World Domination Squad.
The Chairman (with his cat) and Dude
We pawed through them trying to figure out which was the magic key to a car machine.
Ginger just wanted to take selfies.
Then Dude had the brilliant idea to take all the keys out to the driveway and throw them one by one against the cars to see which one would make it open the doors. But when we got out there I noticed a little notch on the door of the Kreatrix' car. Hmmmm.
Hallelujah! One of those babies actually fit!
Here I am about to make it all happen:
And then this happened.
sigh. And she says THE single most popular phrase EVER these days:
"What are you doing?"
I told her I needed a screwdriver.
And she looked all funny-like and said:
"The drink or the tool?"
Confusion abounds. Not wanting to look stupid, I politely asked which one would do the job?
"Both are capable but one should not be used in combination with that car. "
Humans. Drinks are tools. Keys are powerful. Anything with a screen is powerful. You put dead trees in your house with lights all over them. Honestly.
I, the Kreatrix, am stepping in for my little buddy, the Chairman, who will be taking a few days off to attend to pressing family issues. The video below will explain it all. Please join us Friday when we resume our regular schedule.
There are no keywords for this post. I am...I am...Well...I don't care.
It all started out just FINE.
The Kreatrix received a package from one of my biggest competitors for her attention: Darth Vader (a "client"). All right, she said he was nice but still!
So I thought I would help her and open it.
Wow! Beautiful, brightly colored thingys. The CEO and I were soooo excited. It was all so exotic. We spread the bounty out on the floor for the Kreatrix to view.
And, yes, we took a selfie. So sue us. The Kreatrix was taking her own sweet time coming out to see what she'd received.
Long story short, we got bored and created a game to play. It was called STACK THE BRIGHTLY COLORED THINGYS.
Check out the CEO's expression. He is undergoing some steely concentration.
Wally came to watch while I skillfully stacked the colorful thingys. I was ahead at this point
And then, at long last, the Kreatrix showed up:
"Whatcha doing?" she asked sweetly.
I described the lovely stacking game we invented and that the CEO was now ahead.
And then she said.
"That sounds very creative. You do know what those are, don't you?"
Wally looked at us all "uh-huh, go ahead...make my day...answer the question."
Of course I didn't know. So then She enlightened us:
"They're doggy waste bags. You know, for doggie poop. I have to design the box they go in."
I scrubbed and scrubbed my paws. I barely calmed down long enough for her to show me this bag.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? WHY....WHY would you put steamy doggy poopola in a bag with a kitty head on it....or hearts or sweet little pawprints? WHY? You all are SICK, you hear me? Oh, my poor Kreatrix...that she has to make her living in such a manner.
I get the feeling clients are kinda like Darth Vader. They breathe down your back and claim to be something you hope they aren't.
Anywho, Clients are ruining my quest for World Domination because I NEED the help of the Kreatrix and she is busy worshiping clients.
She has been working for sooooo many days on stuff like this:
I've almost given up hope of my army ever getting done. She mumbles words like "mortgage" and some person named Ira, who apparently will hold onto money for her until she is old and then cough it up like a ripe furball on a freshly cleaned carpet. She seems tired and sad.
In an attempt to understand my crazy cat lady I went out in the garage to rummage around in the boxes stored out there. I found some very interesting artifacts.
Um. D.O.G.S. Yuck! Why, Kreatrix, why did you paint this in your tortured youth?
This is more like it! Kitties made out of scraps of fabric! Clearly by this time she had grabbed hold of her senses!
Oh look, she drew a portrait of a dog person and pasted her own hand stamped paper around the bad man:
This looks like a typical crazy cat lady but mine is much younger....much, much, much, much, MUCH younger and much, much, much, much prettier. MUCH.
Kreatrix didn't want me to post the next picture because she said the lips are stupid.
I'd just like to have lips. They are apparently good for kissing. So ta da!
I have to go help the Kreatrix make it through the night so the evil clients don't eat her soul.
At one point today she looked at me and said
"Here is a magic clue for you to use regarding your vintage iMac: screwdriver."
Ok. It is my understanding that some of you aren’t sure I can handle the weaponry needed to carry out my plan. I assure you, I can.
HOWEVER, just to be safe I began by letting Wally, Melvin and Rudy out the front door.
JOKING! I closed them up in the back room. Sheesh. You’ll believe anything.
Immediately, I had to ditch the safety goggles. What’s so safe about ‘em if you can’t see what you’re doing?
I was determined to hack into this baby, so I tried a lot of this:
I could feel my frustration mounting but I kept on.
And kept on…
Nothing worked! I even tried the added weight of my cat laying on me.
“I have deadlines to meet, people!!” I screamed as I pounded the vintage imac with my soft little paws.
And then I let slip with an apparently bad word and began sobbing.
Suddenly, I felt her presence.
“What did you say?” she said in her best Clint Eastwood growl.
oh, boy.
In a super sweet voice, I told her:
“um… ‘oh-stuff-you-find-in-the-kitty-pan’ I have deadlines to meet?”
Yah. That worked.
So this is her idea:
“Every time you say a bad word, you have to put some money in your piggy bank.”
I thought it sounded like a pretty sweet deal until she told me I couldn’t use any coins of hers. They had to come from my paycheck. I grabbed hold of myself and asked if I could have a list of objectionable words so I can plan ahead.
“Deal. Oh...Wally is feeling a little left out. Let's post a pretty picture of him,” she said.
She told me they were cute cat dolls but I know better. And while everyone was stuffing the turkey and themselves, I did my own stuffing and kept my eye on the prize. WORLD DOM uh Community Building.
Look at this! Not quite sure what I got here but the Kreatrix gave me this assignment so I'm on it like kitty litter stuck on -
The Kreatrix told me not to type what I was gonna say. Fine.
But look at the progress!
Melvin simply had too much to eat on Thanksgiving Day. So I put him to work.
All together now:
"And one, two, one, two, and reach-for-the-sky and one, two, one, two, work it boyfriend...uh-huh"
After extensive research on the World Wide Web, I've discovered that my score from the other day:
is a vintage iMac. Vintage means old. Old means cool...when it comes to stuff, anyway. Vintage humans don't fair as well on the World Wide Web. What's up with that?
Words With Cat Friends
