UFO’s and The Unexplained

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The Chairman's letterhead complete with his photo and pawprint.

StrangeHappenings2

m'kay, people...this thing appeared in our front yard IN THE MIDDLE of a plant that has done nothing but sit there as long as I've been alive.

A 10 foot tall, magnificent thick trunk has emerged from the center of a very large succulent.

It's at least TEN FEET TALL!

What? Did the Kreatrix plant some magic beans and now some big hairy giant dude is gonna come down and get me?

A closeup of the trunk of the unusual foliage in the middle of the large succulent.

Seriously...this is some interplanetary species the Kreatrix has imported from her home planet.

She came inside from photographing her alien plant and left these on her desk.

Five avocados are laying on the desk.

ALIEN EGG PODS!

I let out a little scream which paled in comparison to the scream that came from down the hallway at the same time.

We all went running and found Bandit with some body parts.

Bandit, the very cute soft sculptured cat doll, has a frown on his face as he is grasping a cat doll arm.

Kreatrix looks at me and hisses

Didn't you tell him?

I whimpered back

I didn't tell him, I thought you did. And you shouldn't leave body parts lying around!

Well, well, well...seems somebody slipped up and neglected to explain to Bandit how we "come to be". Ya know, how we get hatched/stitched/birthed.

First we had to pry the limb from his grasp.

Closeup of Bandit's paws hanging onto the limb.

We see Kreatrix hand calmly reaching for the body part while Bandit looks uncertain.

And then Kreatrix had an idea to get him to let go. She left the room while I talked softly to him.

I gasped when she entered the room with the alien egg pods!! Nooooooo.

She explained to him he needed to watch over these until they were "ready".

Bandit gathers the avocados on his lap.

READY!!! Ready FOR WHAT?????!!!! Hey Kreatrix, you left that part out!

And now Bandit is filled with purpose.

Bandit's smile has returned as he guards the avocados.

Last I checked he had Ginger sitting on them to keep them warm.

I had to get some air, so I went out on the back patio and found this.

A very large terrarium filled with odd succulents and a small cactus. It's actually quite stunning but very unusual.

CatberryTails_Terrarium1

Is this what hatches out of the pods? I...I...

I needed to lay down, so I came indoors and this appeared:

What the...

Apparently, I passed out and am now resting comfortably far away from the alien egg pods and that bad Santa dude.

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Ginger has her own letterhead now! She is an adorable soft sculptured cat doll. Her letterhead features beautiful handwriting and a beauty shot of Ginger.

The Same Hand That Created Us Did This

Hello my munchkins! Ginger, Feline Reporter on assignment. The Chairman prepared this evidence for you concerning just how far off "the deep end" our beloved Kreatrix has gone. But then, we still think she might be communicating with alien visitors from another planet. Check it out here and here.

If you don't want to see an ugly little worm get consumed by a cute little critter, don't watch this.

 

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The Chairman's letterhead complete with his photo and pawprint.

Lessons in Trust

Kreatrix has been far too busy with clients changing their minds AFTER projects have been uploaded to China and are ALREADY in production.

AND

Since she won't let me protect her with a hammer...

Cute floppy cat doll sits on chair in front of the house with a hammer across his lap.

...I got bored and snooped around the house. Here is what I found:

An odd looking stuffed animal. Looks like it might be a cat.

Speechless, I am.

I looked for a tag to tell me which far flung place on Planet Earth this…thing…came from. Maybe it came from the Kreatrix home planet.

Seriously. Look at its face.

The Chairman poses with the very stiff looking cat doll.

Dude and I dragged it down the hall and into the Kreatrix office where she was hunched all googly-eyed over the computer screen. I told Dude he should ask her nicely (i.e. I wasn’t going to be the one to interrupt her work).

Dude takes a selfie with the stiff cat doll.
Dude has discovered selfies. Heaven help us...

So Dude sez:

“What the heck is this darn thing?”

Kreatrix glances at us with a scowl:

“It’s a cat. I made it many, many years ago. From a pattern I bought at the store.”

Of course, I just had to burst out laughing and go all "look at me, I'm a stand up comic":

It looks like a cross between a rabbit and a cat. Hello little CRABBIT! HAHAHAHA. And its arms look like "Hey, Sugar Ray, where's your boxing gloves?" MWAHAHAHAHA.

It occurred to me that no one else was laughing. Dude was all wide-eyed staring at the Kreatrix.

I'm such an idiot.

But soft, she speaks:

“That’s not polite. I simply wasn’t ready to use the Force, Luke!”

Oh, lord. Not again. Google here I come.

“The Force is described by the great Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi as an energy field created by all living things; it surrounds and penetrates living beings and binds the galaxy together.”

There's more!

“The Force can enhance natural, physical and mental abilities…”

Woah. So the Kreatrix is a Jedi Master?

Later that afternoon I kept staring and staring at her and then from behind her computer screen she says:

“I sense a disturbance in the Force.”

I couldn’t stand it any longer:

“WAS I MADE FROM A STORE PATTERN?! I screamed with all my little heart.

Now she laughs.

“Nope. By the time I made you and the others, I had grown wiser. I did away with the rules and used the Force instead.”

Okay, then. Sounds all kinda spooky. Then the Kreatrix said I needed to lighten up and she showed me this video.

Hey. I'm going to call this thing Yoda. See the resemblance?

The stiff cat doll is compared to a photo of Yoda from Star Wars. There is a resemblance.

Here's the best part. Look how far Kreatrix has come with her Jedi training:

The latest Catberry Tails creation, Eve 2.0, sits patting the head of Yoda, the cat.
Sweet Eve 2.0, our newest member!

May the Force be with you!

 

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Adventures With A Very Large Chaise

The Prof and I scored a monstrous, uber comfortable chaise off Craig's List some years back. His Royal Highness wants more room in his office so the chaise had to go. We had two choices:

  1.  Get rid of it ("but it's soooooo comfortable")
  2. Park it in the yard like some poor trailer-park yazoos who feel indoor furniture works outdoors!

I kinda took a wee liking to point number 2 above. YEEHAH! Imagine this:

Photo of a tacky couch in a run-down front yard.

Now we're talkin'!

HOWEVER.

The Prof has family a-comin' fer a visit, so's we gotta levitate our minds outta that cesspool. I 'recken The Prof doesn't wanna scare off his kinfolk. So I gits it in my noggin' to cover the dang thing so's it looks respectable out back like some purdy piece of high-falootin' spensive patio furniture that look like it t'were meant ta be there and not a trashy substitute. But.

ARGH! I'm not wanting to slip cover that monstrosity! I'm short on time. I don't wanna sew. I wanna snap my fingers and have it done. Quickly. On a budget.

Enter the fabulous drop cloth and all the necessary supplies.

Photo of supplies used for the project laying on this huge chaise. Supplies include a staple gun, safety pins, a large drop cloth and a wine bottle. Yes. Wine bottle.

Yep. Wine. Good pain killer in case the staple gun goes awry or a cat gets trapped under the cloth and fangs his way outta there with all ten claws a churnin'.

P.S. I'm so envious of those blogs with tutorials in which they show the supplies they used for their DIY projects and show step by step instructions. They're all over Pinterest and YouTube. Sigh. Maybe one day I'll join the big leagues.

A very large chaise with drop cloth partially draped over it.
I am a heavy beast capable of cradling you into deep sleep.

Chaise partially covered but still have to cover two big cushions.

Things started getting a little blurry 'bout now. Staple gun musta gone awry and I 'reckin the wine came inta play.

Real life cat, Wally, laying belly-up on the drop cloth impeding progress for sure.

Wally tried to ply me with his feline wares. But I remained strong and steadfast!

Wally sprawled across a cushion in progress. His gentiles are covered with a purple circle with the word YIKES! inscribed inside.

Glory be!

The Chaise is almost done! Only a pillow at the back needs to be covered.

I am almost done! AND.

No sewing machines were harmed in the making of this DIY project!

Still got me more staples to shoot in the dang thang and loose ends to tie up. Then I hose her down with fancy dirt and water repellant.

Photos to follow of it's purdified placement on the fancy lookin' patio out back.

Dang I love faking it. Just don't look under anything. Not the cushion. Not the whole chaise. The presentin' part is purdy but the under-belly 'ain't so sweet.

Don't know if'n I'm a genius or just plain lazy.

By the way, is it just the wine talkin' or does that dang pillow look like a cat?

Photo of the almost finished chaise but the back pillow does indeed look like a cat head and there are eyes, a nose and mouth drawn in to prove it.

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The Chairman's letterhead complete with his photo and pawprint.

It's The Hammer of Justice!

So, I asked the Kreatrix for a gun and she freaked!

GUN?! We have no guns in this house! Why do you want a gun?

I told her "for protection" from certain people like, for example, a crazy Uncle Samuel who might stop by and, oh, I don't know, want my box of money!! (A reader on the previous post was kind enough to remind me of Kreatrix' Uncle Sam and his sticky fingers when it comes to money).

I said a hammer would work. Confused, she obliged.

Cute floppy cat doll sits on chair in front of the house with a hammer across his lap.
Like I couldn't see her in the bushes "sneaking" a photo of me...

It took me 30 minutes to drag that dang hammer outside the front door and the whole time Kreatrix was singing some hammer song.

A cat's gotta protect his territory from crazy family Uncles. And if you think I'm freaky.

Take. A. Look. At. This!

CatberryTails_Toby2

Photo of a Bearded Dragon lizard in Kreatrix's hand.

That is Kreatrix holding a Bearded Dragon at the pet store. AHHHHHHH!

Now who's the freak, huh?

Kreatrix asked me to post this video. Cool song. Oh, wait!!! I GET IT!

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The Chairman's letterhead complete with his photo and pawprint.

Holy smokels, I've found my lifelong career!

PROFESSIONAL CURSER, LLC

Dude and I decided to balance all the feminine energy going down in the house. Too much sewing and weaving and such.

So.

We did what men love doing. Count money!

Two adorable cat dolls counting coins on the floor with the curse jar nearby.

Well...from the curse jar, anyway.

The Chairman with his paw on the curse jar.

From what I hear, manly men throw out a mean curse now and then...especially whilst driving their cars or watching sweaty athletes bash each other to bits.

Hey. Never underestimate the power and beauty of a well placed curse word.

Behold!

A shoebox full or coins rolled in wrappers ready to go to the bank. There are a lot of rolls!

Seriously people. That's a lot of cursing in that box.

Kreatix said:

"Don't get too proud of yourself. My brother had to bite a bar of soap when he was little and cut loose with the S bomb. He blew bubbles for weeks."

I've never tasted soap. I'll have to try it because I think I sniff a veiled threat in that statement of hers.

NOTE TO SELF: taste a bar of soap and see if Professional Cursing is worth it.

 

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Ginger has her own letterhead now! She is an adorable soft sculptured cat doll. Her letterhead features beautiful handwriting and a beauty shot of Ginger.

DISCLAIMER - Please read previous post before proceeding

Hello Earthly dahlings - Ginger, feline reporter extraordinaire. I'm on assignment because The Chairman is "rattled." That's the word he used.

My Chairman was continuing his bad habit of spying but this time he was spying on the cats. He calls it research but whatevah!

Let me set the scene:

Beautiful black and white cat, Wally, looking regal sitting in the sun.
Wally soaking up some sun...

All was calm.

But wait!

Closeup photograph of Wally's ear.
Did you hear that?

The Chairman thought it was an earthquake...a low rumbling. AND THEN:

Bright light floods through the window and surrounds Wally.
BAM! Bright lights flood the room!

Wally fell off the perch and then looked back out the window.

Wally is fixated with something outside the window as bright lights surround him.
Uh-oh is that a UFO...

Wally gets all agitated and meowy for the rest of the evening.

Next day, Melvin sarcastically says he’s going to “watch out for the big bad UFO.”

Notice how calm he is:

Photograph of Melvin sitting in window cleaning himself.
I'm so cool and calm...

NOTICE THE BRIGHT LIGHT IN THE BACKGROUND!!!!

And then Melvin sees the light!

Extreme closeup of Melvin's right eye and ear surrounded by light rays.
Aliens doing a mind probe on Melvin...

Melvin tries to shield his eyes! The Chairman stays strong and keeps snapping photos!

Melvin uses his paw to cover his eyes.

Then it happened. The dazed Melvin screamed

MAAAAAAA! The UFO is back!

Melvin with his mouth wide open, fangs showing as the light streams through. He looks like he's screaming "Maaaaaa!"

The Chairman was so freaked by hearing a cat scream like a possessed robot that he dropped his camera and ran like a little kitten.

The Catberry Tails' gang stayed up late into the night debating about the Kreatrix and her heritage.

Then we woke up this morning and this guy was staring at the front door.

Photo of a plump, real lizard staring at the front door of the house.

Say what you want but we think he was dropped off to communicate with the Kreatrix.